


Shell

by DarkrystalSky



Category: Dorohedoro
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24248968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkrystalSky/pseuds/DarkrystalSky
Summary: Risu doesn’t even fight it, in the last moments of his life, love turns abruptly into hate as those pleasant memories -lies, lies, lies- get tinged in the same color of his blood, of the sunset on the ruins.Risu turns around at theSalmanaza Plains and sees the face of his attacker.
Relationships: Aikawa/Risu (Dorohedoro)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 88





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this tweet](https://twitter.com/eightypeaa/status/1262195030367715328) and a conversation on the Dorohedoro discord server.

The sun is setting on the Salmanaza Plains, a large stretch of uninhabited land, only seldom visited by archeologists and weird tourists that are interested about the ruins of the old Satanic temple Risu is now standing on the steps on.

The large stone devil is seemingly staring right at him with contempt. Risu taps his foot impatiently on the dusty ground: it was a hassle to get here, the least the other party can do is arrive on time.

The reddish light of the sun is bathing the ruins in orange hues, the shadows almost make it look like it’s bleeding. The statue’s glass eyes gleam and reflect the light, they look almost alive when Risu moves to see how the light reflects on them. It’s on one of those eyes that Risu catches the glimpse of a shadow approaching.

The sight sends a shiver down his spine: he didn’t hear any footsteps or the hiss of a broom approaching. He does his best to keep his cool when he turns around, his expression serious and blank, eyes not betraying his eagerness to finish the deal quickly.

_ They said this is an important deal. Who the fuck buys five kilograms of Powder at once anyway? _

The figure is almost as tall as Risu, completely dressed in black, and like Risu he doesn’t seem to be wearing a mask, just a hood low on his face, partially hiding his eyes. He looks familiar in the way only nightmares can be; he stops when realizes Risu turned around and stands uncannily still, not even his ragged cape moves in the absent wind.

Risu is about to say something when he sees the strangers’ hand reach behind his back to grab a long drop point knife from its sheath and  _ smile. _ Risu immediately knows he’s in danger, he drops the metal briefcase and gets ready to leave, but gets startled when the briefcase opens from the impact and several rocks roll out of it.

_ A set up. _

The figure is still approaching. Risu’s hand runs to his stakes to parry but he’s too slow, or maybe the man is too fast, because the next thing he knows is the fiery pain in his throat. He tries to scream but no air escapes his lungs as the blood clogs his trachea. Legs shaking, Risu falls on his knees and feels the cold penetrate his limbs as he finally looks into the eyes under the hood.

For a moment he can’t comprehend what he’s seeing. Crossed eyes, yet familiar eyes. Eyes that Risu knows  _ all _ too well, once filled with so much purpose and love, now coldly staring at Risu’s face as the knife digs even deeper in his flesh.

_ Why. _

Risu doesn’t even fight it, in the last moments of his life, love turns abruptly into hate as those pleasant memories -  _ lies, lies, lies _ \- get tinged in the same color of his blood, of the sunset on the ruins.

His body falls, discarded.

And Risu closes his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going with very short chapters with this one, it seems.  
>  _Please,_ review.

Risu squirms on the dusty floor of his apartment, hunched over in pain assaulting his body, being torn apart from the inside out. Curse was chased away by a Devil song but it still burned with rage from inside Risu’s flesh, begging to get out. Smoke and blood was seeping out of his pores as he tried to keep a semblance of sanity through the suffering.

_I finally got what I wanted, didn’t I?_

A noise at the door made him jolt. The apartment building at the edge of town had been emptied for months even before Risu’s death, and he didn’t know anyone who had a business coming over to his place.

The sound of steps is dulled by the thick coat of dust but Risu knows whoever it is they’re approaching the room he’s in. With a grunt, he grabs the windowsill and starts to pull himself up when he’s frozen in place by a familiar voice calling his name.

Slowly turning around, in the dim light, he sees the silhouette of a familiar coal mask and the adrenaline shoots in his system at full pelt. He stumbles and falls to the ground just at the figure pulls the cord to turn on the light. Risu’s eyes are open wide as he looks up at Aikawa standing above him.

His eyes are wide and teeth clenched in both fear and fury, as he lets his control go, ready for Curse to take over.

_...and it doesn’t._

Aikawa kneels down, his whole body language betraying worry and concern. He helps Risu sit up, and the latter can barely hear what he’s asking, let alone say a word.

“...what _happened_ to you? Are you alright?” Aikawa says and Risu sees _red._

With the little strength he’s got left, he pushes the other man’s body away. “What happened to me?” He hisses between his clenched teeth. “What _happened_ to me?!” He’s shouting now, and doesn’t care about the headache that is giving him. _Why isn’t Curse working?!_

Aikawa falls down from the squatting position, sitting on the floor. “I- I don’t know what you-”

“Don’t mess with me!” Risu lunges at him, hands towards Aikawa’s mask to rip it off his face. He needs to _see_ them, the crosses, he needs to _know_ he’s right. He claws at the clasps behind his head and unhooks them before pulling down the front part of the gas mask.

He meets Aikawa deep black eyes, wide in shock and surprise, and knows his expression matches his own. Risu can just stare for a few seconds, emotions swirling in his head, his brain struggling to find an explanation.

_There are no crosseyes…_

Risu’s hand goes up to touch Aikawa face, thumb pressing on his eyelids as if to trace the invisible shape of a cross. “Why aren’t…?” he chokes.

Finally, the pain catches up with him and he has to back away from Aikawa, doubling over in a fit of coughs.

“Risu!” Aikawa lunges towards him, and Risu can feel his arms sliding under his body. He can barely make a sound of protest as he lifts him up from the ground, now that his face is exposed he has no doubt he’s genuinely concerned. _He was always an open book._ “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” He carries him to the bedroom, gently laying him down on the mattress.

The duvet cover has a cross pattern. Risu sneers at the irony.

“I’m with you now.”

Risu wants to complain, but his whole body is aching and he’s _so_ tired. _Curse isn’t waking up, so that wasn’t Aikawa after all?_ He looks at his partner leaving the room, when he walks back in he’s put the mask back on.

“Sleep now,” Aikawa says quietly, in a gentler tone than what Risu is used to hear from him. “I’ll take care of everything.”

Risu _knows_ what he saw. A small part of him is still wary, but he wants nothing more than close his eyes now, so he does. _My magic is going to protect me anyway, isn’t it?_

_Isn’t it?_


	3. Chapter 3

Nightmares plague him. Memories of a place that isn’t really a place, a windowless distorted room, filled with coffins containing a black bubbling water. He sees an unfamiliar alley, a figure failing to run away from him, familiar features and unfamiliar crosses.

The figure calls out his name and looks absolutely _terrified._

“Risu!”

Risu wakes up startled, distressed. Looking around in a brief panic before realizing he’s still laying in his own bed. There’s a pleasant smell in the house, and his eyes dart around until they focus on Aikawa, standing in the doorway. His friend, his _Partner,_ seemingly ditched the mask and jacket for a simple t-shirt and he’s holding a spatula in his hand.

“What?” Risu groans, sitting up.

“You were talking in your sleep. You seemed...distressed.”

Risu glares at him. _At least he didn’t try to kill me in my sleep._ “It’s none of your business.”

Aikawa huffs and puffs his cheeks. “So cold, and after I’ve shopped for groceries for you.”

Risu gives him a perplexed glare, looking at the spatula and then towards the kitchen. “Are you...cooking? You can cook?”

“Rude,” Aikawa crosses his arms, pretending to be offended. “I can handle fried rice.”

Risu finds himself smiling before he can control himself. “I bet you’re going to eat most of it anyway.”

Aikawa snorts and for a short, wonderful moment it seems like things are back like they should be. But reality weights heavy on Risu like a steel blanket and his smile is short lived. “Why are you doing this?”

Aikawa blinks, his face the portrait of innocence. “You’re my Partner, isn’t that obvious?”

Risu squeezes his fists tightly, his expression hardening. “Don’t play innocent. I know what you’ve done. _I saw you.”_

Aikawa doesn’t react but he doesn’t even ask him what he means or pretend he’s confused. Somehow, that scares Risu more. He thinks briefly of grabbing one of his stakes to lunge at him, now that he’s feeling better, before an alarm goes off from the kitchen and Aikawa jolts, rushing towards the other room. Risu stares at the empty corridor, baffled, for a few seconds, before attempting to get out of bed.

His legs shake when he attempts to stand up, he hates how weak he feels, even though he can feel his own magic bubbling under his skin, ready to lunge out at the first sign of hostility.

Aikawa is back with a tray after a few minutes. “I was afraid it burned up, I completely forgot I’d set up an alarm!” On the tray sit a large serving of fried rice, some miso soup and stir-fried shrimps. “I bought the shrimps ready-made but I cooked the rest myself!” Aikawa grins, shoving the tray in Risu’s hands before rushing once again towards the kitchen.

 _Is he trying to get me to lower my guard or what?!_ Risu stares at the food but doesn’t dare to touch it. Aikawa returns from the kitchen with a second tray, his portion of fried rice easily three times Risu’s. He drags a chair up to the bed and starts eating with gusto, at least until he sees Risu hasn’t touched the food.

“What’s wrong?”

Risu looks up at him. “This...isn’t poisoned, right?”

Aikawa looks at him, then at the tray and extends his hand to grab the bowl of rice and eat a mouthful of it with shrimps before setting it back on Risu’s own tray and smile. Risu considers for a moment that normally Aikawa would’ve just laughed at him, but instead he went and _proved_ him the food was safe to eat, but doesn’t linger on those thoughts.

He starts eating. The rice is greasy and a bit too savoury, but the shrimps and soup are good and he’s not surprised to find out he’s _famished_ after days without food. That was probably part of the reason he was so weak, regardless of the effect of Curse on his body. Both of them finish eating quickly and in silence, until every last grain is cleaned from the bowl.

Risu’s looking down when Aikawa extends his hands to grab the tray, but Risu quickly grabs his wrists, letting both trays and bowls fall on the ground with a clutter. He looks at Aikawa’s face and once again he sees nothing but concern and surprise, but there’s something else too, something twisting his expression.

“What is going on?” He asks him point blank. “I saw you on Salmanaza Plains. _You’re the one who killed me, and now I know why.”_ He feels a splitting headache and his vision unfocuses for a split second as Curse’s second pair of eyes appear on his forehead. “You were the only one I told about my magic, you were the only one who knew.”

Aikawa doesn’t struggle, he just sits back down as Risu stands and pushes him in the chair, still holding his wrists. He doesn’t seem too shocked to see Risu’s appearance change and that is enough of a red flag to make Risu’s blood boil, but still he doesn’t fight back.

“I saw your face and you had cross eyes, I saw you _smiling_ as you killed me! You killed me for _them!”_

Something twists and hardens in Aikawa face as Risu doesn’t let him off his seat. He averts his eyes before speaking in uncharacteristically hushed tones. “That’s not it.”

“Then what’s the truth? Because I know what I _saw,_ Aikawa!” Risu growls.

 _“That..."_ Aikawa looks pained, like saying those words is hurting him somehow, "wasn’t _me.”_

Risu feels his fury dissipate like dew in the morning. That wasn’t the answer he expected, even though it was the answer he _hoped for._ He wants to let go, to lower his walls, but is still too afraid to do that. “Is that the truth?”

Aikawa nods, and he’s struggling to keep his expression blank now. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come back at all. You’re in danger with me around.”

Risu tightens his grip on Aikawa wrist, nails piercing his skin to draw a few droplets of blood, but Aikawa doesn’t seem to complain about the pain.

“Look at me,” Risu insists. “How so?”

Aikawa hesitates to do so, like he’s afraid now. _He knows that expression._ “It’s still my fault that you-” he twitches and squeezes his eyes closed. “Not now, _fuck!”_

Risu is familiar enough with Aikawa sudden headaches, but this time he’s not letting him run away, whether it’s an excuse or not. “Stay,” he just says, and it sounds like both an order and a prayer. He ignores the panicked look Aikawa is giving him. “Stay.”


	4. Chapter 4

Aikawa is starting to think maybe it wasn’t his greatest idea to look for Risu, and his doubts get worse when he sees the way he’s looking at him in the morning. He’s wary and suspicious and Aikawa doesn’t really need to hear him say it to realize he _knows._

He really just wants to live a peaceful life, and he misses the simple bond he used to share with Risu, the small corner of his life that was truly _his._ Until _that thing_ took it away.

 _“That..."_ he forces the words out, weighting them with caution, "wasn’t _me.”_

 _That thing_ doesn’t want to be discovered, it’s always taken over whenever Aikawa was at risk of being unmasked. He doesn’t want it to kill Risu _again,_ and to avoid that from happening he has to be _very_ careful about what he says.

“Is that the truth?” Risu’s voice is softer than it was a moment ago, and it gives him hope. Guilt claws at his stomach, twisting his insides as he cannot find the strength to look his Partner in the eyes.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come back at all. You’re in danger with me around.” He confesses.

Risu’s grip tightens and it hurts, but it’s nothing compared to the pain he’s used to. “Look at me.” He says. “How so?”

“It’s still my fault that-” Pain shoots behind his eyes like someone has taken a knife to his skull. He reels and squeezes his eyes shut, the nausea quickly overwhelming him as the pain creeps from the skull to the base of his neck. “Not now, _fuck!”_ He’s only able to choke out as every fiber in his being struggles to keep composure.

 _Run! Leave!_ The command is immediate and for a moment Aikawa wonders if that order is coming from _that thing_ or is his own wish to run away, to abandon Risu once and for all.

“Stay.”

Aikawa eyes snap open as he looks up at Risu’s face. _The face of the man at the end of the alley, the first face he remembered._ Those memories feel like nightmares but he remembers, Hole, Curse, the alley, _the fear._

And it hits him.

 _"...it’s_ afraid of you,” he utters those words just as he realizes the truth. And just as he does, the pressure in his skull and neck recedes fast, so fast it actually leaves him gasping for air, the pain reduced to a dull throbbing behind his eyes in the fraction of a second. “...holy shit,” he breathes.

This is the first time, since he has memory, that _that thing_ has given up.

Risu’s hold loosens a bit, as he looks down at him in confusion.

“I take that back,” Aikawa finds himself chuckling and grinning in excitement. "Looking for you has been the _best_ idea I’ve had in a while.”

Maybe, with Risu - _with Curse_ \- around he can finally stop running away.


	5. Chapter 5

The warm water is pleasant on his skin, it pours down, drips by his side, Risu feels it trickle down on his closed eyelids and lets the feeling clear his mind up as his muscles relax. Steam condensed on the frosted glass and when Risu opens his eyes he also raises a hand to draw a short vertical line on it.

“The man who killed me had Aikawa’s face,” he mumbles under his breath and raises a second finger to draw two more vertical lines, “he also was a member of the Cross-Eyes.” He raises a third finger but stops, droplets of water already falling and stretching the shapes he drew. “Or maybe the crosses were fake? He wanted me to _believe_ it was the Cross-Eyes? No,” he shakes his head. “Dokuga was definitely involved and he knew about my magic as well, so…” he draws a III. “The information definitely passed from Aikawa to _them.”_

These are the things he was sure of, even before today. But he still has no explanation for what just happened in the bedroom: Aikawa seemed to be in pain one second and the next he was back to his usual carefree self, even humming as he washed the dishes while Risu headed for the bathroom.

Risu draws a IV. “Aikawa claims that wasn’t him, but he has admitted being the reason they killed me.” He stops and draws a question mark. “The reason? No...the intermediary, the conduit, the _vessel…”_

“What are you muttering to yourself?” Aikawa slides open the shower door, putting his head inside.

Risu nearly jumps out of his skin. “What the _fuck,_ Aikawa! What are you doing?” He pushes Aikawa’s head out, shivering at the cold air coming out of the open door.

“I finished with dishes,” he answers from behind the glass. Risu sees his silhouette as he sits on the toilet. “Wanted to reassure you I’m not going anywhere,” he speaks lightly, happily, and it somehow bothers Risu, like his troubles aren’t being taken seriously.

With two fingers and a smooth movement, Risu draws a V on the clouded glass, even though the rest of the numbers have either melted or fogged up again. “What is... _it?”_ He asks him point blank. “What’s _afraid of me?”_ He quotes Aikawa’s words from earlier.

It’s impossible to see Aikawa’s face, but he sees him cock his head, staying quiet for a while before speaking. “I guess I can tell you...” he says tentatively and Risu can hear the smile in his words, even if the tone is not as light as a moment ago, “...when I’m sure it’s safe to.”

Risu slams a fist against the wall and he swears he can hear the glass creaking. “Take this seriously, damn it!” He turns the old metallic dial and stops the flow of water, grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist before storming out of the shower.

“I am,” Aikawa’s face is surprisingly serious.

“Then just...tell me the truth! The one who killed me, the one I’m looking for!” He grips him by his collar with both hands and lifts him up. “Is it _you_ or not?”

“I told you that already,” he frowns, grabbing his wrists and pushing him away. “I’m not!”

“Was I killed because I told you about my magic?!” Risu lets him push him back for a moment then pulls and turns, slamming him against the wall.

“...yes.” Aikawa’s answer is sharp and Risu fears the rage bubble under his skin once more, as shadows coil around his body.

 _“Why?!”_ He grits his teeth, he’s not even focused on revenge right now, he just wants to _understand._

Aikawa closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Look…” he presses his hands against the wall, “it’s complicated and you could get killed _again_ if I’m not careful!”

“Then...what do you want me to do?!” Risu lets him go and raises his hands in exasperation.

Aikawa’s gaze is intense and seems to burn in Risu’s eyes when he answers.

“Don’t take your eyes off me.”


	6. Chapter 6

Risu follows him passively, he hasn't even asked Aikawa where they're going since they left the apartment building. Because of this, he keeps his guard up, but Aikawa seems to walk down the busier streets only when they get to the city and that is somewhat reassuring.

So, he doesn't ask Aikawa where he's headed, even though part of him is still wary of a trap. He follows behind, aware that Aikawa is checking for his presence every 100 or so feet.

"You know, you can walk _next_ to me," he stops in his tracks at some point, waiting for Risu to close the small distance between each other. Risu doesn't.

"It's fine," he huffs, looking around and pretending to be interested in the prices of vegetables displayed on a stall.

He's thankful Aikawa doesn't insist. "We're almost there," he starts walking again, sparking Risu's curiosity.

He doesn't know why he's surprised when they turn the corner and find themselves in front of a large building decorated by a devilish statue. "Is this...a school?" Risu glares at Aikawa. "Seriously?"

"I enrolled a couple days ago, there's a trial week discount if you want to try," he hums, waiting for Risu to catch up before heading up the stairs.

"I'm not interested in going to school," Risu rolls his eyes. He expected something better than this...Does Aikawa really think they can go back to how things used to be without any of the baggage they're dragging behind? Apparently so, because he ends up dragging Risu to the welcome desk.

"I can use magic _now,_ you know," Risu grumbles as Aikawa hands him the form for the trial week.

"Yeah, but this is a place to be," Aikawa rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "It feels right and this is a way for you to be here legally, at least for a while."

 _This is a place to be._ Risu ponders these words for a while. He does feel nostalgic about those simple school days, but is this really what they should be doing? He ends up taking the form anyway, and minutes later he amuses Aikawa as he shows him around the building.

They even recognize a bunch of their former classmates, who wave at them. A scrawny guy with a glass helmet even stops to chat with Aikawa.

"Ah, that's right. Did you two formalize your Partnership?" He asks them at some point. "During the Blue Night?"

"Ah, no, we did not," Aikawa gives Risu a look and an awkward laugh. "Too much stuff going on, I guess we missed each other."

Risu frowns, then opens his eyes wide. "Wait…! Were you at Blue Night?!"

"...yeah," Aikawa admits and Risu is pretty sure he's averting his eyes for some reason. "Actually, I was looking for you…"

"So was I…" Risu's words escape his tongue before he can think about it. The happiness burning in his chest wants to put a smile on his lips but Risu smothers it.

"Woah, that's unlucky!" Their classmate exclaims. "I didn't even get a ticket to get in, so…"

"I sneaked in," Risu admits, looking at Aikawa's reaction.

"Oh, man, same." He burst out laughing. "I pretended to be a member of the staff, but they kept asking me to do stupid shit like scrubbing the toilets…"

Risu feels the laughter bubble in his chest before coming out of his throat with a choked noise. "That sounds like something you would do," he snorts.

They eventually take their leave of their classmate and finish their tour on the school rooftop, not before grabbing a couple of breakfast snacks from the cafeteria.

Aikawa lets himself fall on the ground cross-legged and takes off his mask before starting to open the first packet. Risu heads to lean on the railing.

"You can see En's Mansion from here," he notes out loud. "I was resurrected by them, you know?"

Aikawa bites on the breakfast pastry and holds it in his mouth as he stands up to sit next to Risu. "Why would they do that?" He raises an eyebrow at him. "I mean, I'm glad, I'm _really glad_ they did but...why?"

Risu shrugs. To this day, he hasn't really figured that one out. "Dunno, they asked me a bunch of weird questions about a lizard man from Hole, don't know what all of that was about." Aikawa stops chewing and starts coughing, arousing Risu's sudden interest. "Do _you_ know?"

"No." He answers quickly and sharply, before dropping his head in one hand. "No, actually... _fuck."_ He lets out a long groan. "Yeah…" he admits. "But it's complicated. How did they know to ask _you_ though? Fucking creepy."

Risu doesn't hide his annoyance. "More secrets, Aikawa? Somehow I'm not surprised. Lemme just add that to the list."

Aikawa looks away and mutters something under his breath, mouth full.

"I've heard the Family was wiped out, though," Risu sighs, letting that small piece of information sit with the rest in his head with the rest of the small scattered clues he has. "There goes the chance of asking them directly."

Aikawa nods. "Don't worry, they knew jack shit."

Risu grits his teeth with growing irritation. "And you seem to know _everything,_ don't you? You just won't tell me for some _fucking_ reason…!" He feels Curse emerge as he loses his temper, burning at his skin like acid, tearing up his flesh to emerge. "You want to pretend everything's _fine and dandy_ and go back to school? Fuck that!"

Aikawa stands up and steps away from the railing. "I already told you, I'm going to explain things when I know it's safe to do so." He puts his mask back on, as if wanting to put up a wall between them. Unfortunately for him, Risu knows him well enough to read him even when he's hiding.

"I already know you're involved with the Cross-Eyes," he growls, turning around and gripping the railing so tightly he feels the metal bend under his fingers. "Maybe I should just go and ask them directly…"

Aikawa jolts and immediately sprints towards Risu, grasping his arm tightly as if to stop him from jumping off. His voice is shaky when he speaks again. "Don't."

Risu growls but doesn't push him away, his transformation into Curse almost halfway now. "Oh, don't worry," he hisses. "I'm not taking my eyes off you." He echoes his words with a hint of sarcasm.

Aikawa seems to relax and nods.

"Even though you fucking _sold_ me to those bastards."

Aikawa's grip tightens. "It's not like I wanted to," he says between his teeth.

"What? They took the information directly from your head?" Risu sneers at him.

"...in a way...yes…"

Risu feels Curse melt away. _Not yet, not yet! He's telling something. Keep him talking._ His anger doesn't disappearbut it's almost natural how quickly it moves away from Aikawa. "Did they fucking torture you?" He remembers Dokuga's _methods_ and wouldn't honestly be surprised if those bastards did something like that.

But Aikawa shakes his head, looking at Risu through the green tinted lenses and reducing that theory to smoke. Risu can see his eyes are open wide but there's no fear in them. _Fool, you should be afraid._ Risu feels himself think. _Even though you're not the one._

Risu recoils. These are his thoughts and at the same time they're Curse's. The being his magic turned him into, who knows instinctively who's _the_ _one_ who killed him. Who knows without a margin of doubt that it's _not_ Aikawa.

Risu takes a deep breath and lets the transformation recede. There's something warm on his eyelids and he realizes when he touches it with his free hand that it's a trickle of blood. He brushes it off with a sleeve and looks at Aikawa, who's still gripping his arm like his life depends on it. "I'm not going anywhere," he reassures him, trying to sound cold and failing spectacularly at doing so.

Aikawa nods and slowly lets him go. "One question," he says quietly as he does so. "One question, I promise I will answer it honestly if I can."

Risu feels his heart pounding. _What am I getting all excited for?!_ "Alright then," he tries to keep his composure. "What is your magic?"

Aikawa is seemingly dumbfounded by those words, before Risu sees him shift his weight uncomfortably and stuff his hands in his pockets. "I don't know," he admits.

Risu is about to call bullshit on that, but Aikawa keeps talking.

"I actually have no idea what my _original_ magic is supposed to be," he takes off a glove and raises his fingers, but not even a trickle of Smoke comes out. "Or if I even have it in the first place…"

"Your _original_ magic." Risu repeats, bewildered.

Aikawa nods and takes a deep breath, like he wants to add something else but seems to choke on his words. It takes Risu a couple of seconds to realize he's actually trying not to cry. _What the fuck._ He takes a step towards his Partner, but stops when he sees him clenching his hand.

"Can't even summon a gram of smoke right now, while _that thing_ can-" his voice cracks and he lets himself fall on the ground again.

Risu hesitates to catch up to him, finding himself at a loss for words. Slowly, he kneels in front of him and looks him in the eyes, giving him a tentative smile. "Well," he huffs, "now you know how it feels."

After a moment, Aikawa starts chuckling. "Now I'm the loser, aren't I?"

"Well, I don't know," Risu shrugs. "You're still pretty badass with your knives." He acts friendly. He doesn't know where the _act_ really ends, though. He looks at Aikawa and he _knows_ he'll rip the truth out of him somehow.

_One question at a time._


	7. Chapter 7

Excitement travels under his skin like a spider under the bark of a tree, but doesn’t make it to his facial muscles. The mask helps, but he can’t be too confident with Risu, he could always read him like an open book.

For the first time since he can remember he can see the end of the tunnel, a way to keep _that_ under control at least temporarily. There’s no way to test how well this is going to work, it’s too dangerous, for the power balance has already been disrupted and Aikawa knows _it_ was on the verge of doing something worse before leaving him in the driver’s seat.

He doesn’t even try to focus on the lesson, he glares at Risu sitting by his side, chin on the desk and arched back like an enraged kitten. The professor is teaching the nuances of transformative magic and its weaknesses and most of the class is either missing or asleep.

“What do you say we vamoose as soon as this ugly bitch is done?” He leans towards Risu and whispers.

Risu rolls his eyes. “Yes! Finally!” he groans. “I really don’t know why you wanted to come anyway.”

“Most classes are interesting,” he shrugs.

“Have you ever actually paid attention to any of them?”

He pouts, and trusts Risu to know even if he can’t see him. “Of course!”

“You two new ones,” the professor stops explaining and points at them, “if you’re gonna chat, do it outside!”

“With pleasure,” Risu glares at him and stands up, heading for the door. Aikawa scrambles to his feet to follow him outside.

“Not so fast!” He grabs his shoulder as they walk outside.

“Is this really necessary?” Risu looks at his hand and Aikawa lets him go with a sudden movement.

He shrugs, keeping the fact he’s afraid to leave his side for even a moment to himself. Risu will probably get pissed if he keeps being this _clingy_ without a proper explanation and he doesn’t want that either, but telling him everything would…

Aikawa shakes his head. That’s not something he wants to resort to anytime soon, Risu is sure to leave his side _or even kill him_ when he learns the truth. That’s inevitable, and he wants to postpone the moment as much as he can, no matter what kind of excuse he has to make up. After all, how could one even love or care about a _shell?_

“It’s almost midday, shall we grab a bite somewhere?” Risu’s voice shakes him out of his thoughts. He’s fast to put on his best smile.

“Sure! You had somewhere in mind?”

“Not really,” he says as they walk out of the school building. “I don’t know how long I was dead for and I haven’t been to the capital much. Do you know any place ‘round here?”

He thinks of the weird place with the fire toilets and immediately discards that option, the drinks were so bad he almost threw up. He thinks of Tanba... _Is it safe to go to them, I wonder?_ They only knew him for less than a week, and he guesses it can’t hurt to go _undercover_ to check on them during this Cross-Eyes crisis. “Do you like meat pies?”

Risu gives him a small smile. “I like anything as long you’re buying.”

“Right, you’re still broke as shit,” Aikawa blurts out before thinking. “Don’t worry, I owe you money anyway.” He walks next to Risu to lead the way.

In the streets, they cross paths with more Cross-Eyes than either of them is used to see. Aikawa doesn’t hide his annoyance when they walk past a stall with people getting their tattoos, he clicks his tongue and start walking faster. “Bunch of idiots…”

“You really don’t like the Cross-Eyes, do you?” Risu speeds up his pace to walk beside him. There’s an inquisitive look in his eyes, even though he tried to make it sound like an offhanded question.

“Most of them are just in it for the money or, right now, for the fad,” Aikawa scoffs, waving a hand at him. “The ones who are not…” He thinks about Natsuki, wondering what happened to her after she joined the Cross-Eyes' upper echelons, if Dokuga and the others are taking good care of her. He hopes they are. “The ones who are not are a bunch of hopeless optimists who end up being killed.”

“So am I a hopeless optimist?” Risu grins.

Aikawa smiles and puts a hand on his head to playfully push him away. “The worst.”

They get to Tanba’s restaurant after a while, the building faces a smaller street and there aren’t many people, but there’s a pleasant smell wafting from the entrance. Which...is closed. “Ah, fuck! I forgot they only do takeaway on lunch!”

“Let’s just buy them and eat somewhere else…” Risu proposes just as the door opens.

“Hey, you here to buy?” Tanba’s familiar gruff voice brings him instant relief. Fukuyama is putting a tray of freshly baked pies in the shop window, alongside price tags, and smiles at the two of them politely. _They’re alright, thank goodness._

“Yup,” Aikawa promptly raises a open hand. “Five venison bags each for me and my Partner!”

“I don’t know if I can eat five…” Risu tries to complain.

“A moment,” Fukuyama nods as Tanba repeats the order and goes behind the cashier desk to type in a receipt.

“You’ve been here before, then?” Risu looks up at the sign on the store.

“Yup,” Aikawa says, popping the _p._ “Best meat bags in the country! I-” he bites his tongue before he can say more, he’s just _checking_ on them.

_Ah, but I could just tell them, couldn’t I? I left without a word...and it’s not like they’re involved with anyone else._

But the more people he involves, the more dangerous it becomes. He takes a peek inside and sees Fukuyama talking with President Tanba and glancing in their direction a few times. Maybe they’re concerned about Risu being a Cross-Eye? “Don’t worry, he’s cool! Just ugly!” He shouts at them, pointing at Risu.

Tanba snorts and says something to Fukuyama as the latter finishes bagging ten meat pies and heads back to the door.

“How much?” Aikawa asks, digging through his pockets to find some money.

Fukuyama looks up at him, then smiles and shoves the pies in his arms. “On the house,” he grins and puts his hands on his hips. “The President says it’s all you’ll get since you only worked here for a week!”

Aikawa almost drops the paper bag as Risu is positively _glaring_ at him now. “Uh…”

“You’re Kaiman, right? I recognize your voice!” Fukuyama laughs. “You should’ve said something sooner.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he snaps, coldly. _Too coldly._ He digs some notes and coins from his pockets and slaps them in Fukuyama’s hands as the waiter gives him a baffled look, before starting to walk away. His good mood suddenly washed away.

 _The same stupid fucking way Nikaido..._ he stops when he realizes Risu isn’t following him. He stayed behind, talking with Fukuyama about something as the latter hands him the change. When Risu finally leaves the front of the restaurant he’s wearing a smug and satisfied smile.

“What did he say?”

“I asked him a couple of questions…” he gives him a _look._ “A lizard head, uh? Sounds _awfully_ familiar.”

“...fuck.”

Next time, he’s taking him to the place where they serve awful drinks.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two bros sitting in a hot spring 0 feet apart cause they're _GAY!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: panic attack, mild gore

“I know what you’re doing,” Risu starts. And he doesn’t drop his guard, even though the place is nice,  _ really nice. _ The hot spring bath is small but empty save for them, it’s quiet and at the edge of town and they were pretty lucky to stumble upon it.

Aikawa’s eyes are closed and he’s crouched down to be almost completely underwater, up to the nose, he hums something that sounds vaguely like a questioning tone, accompanied by the sound of bubbles coming out of his mouth.

Risu can’t reconcile this image of him with the one of his attacker: he looks so  _ vulnerable,  _ so harmless. But he knows better, he used to know better before, when he still trusted Aikawa. He never hid from Risu that he was a master at making himself look non threatening and then attacking people out of the blue with a strength and speed the Cross-Eyes could only hope to achieve-

_ Ah, now that I think about it, he’s a knife master like the generals. I can’t believe I never found that suspicious. _ He thinks before realizing Aikawa’s eyes are open and he’s still waiting for a reply.

“I’ve indulged you for today,” Risu glares at him. “Playing friends, eating out, and now the springs...but I won’t let you distract me forever.”

He frowns, dipping his head in before straightening his back and sitting against the rocks. “I wasn’t planning to  _ distract _ you, I just wanted to have fun.” He flicks water in Risu’s direction with two fingers. “Just like old days.”

“That’s exactly the point,” Risu growls. “These  _ ain’t _ the old days. I need to figure out who killed me and why, and I’m going to get them to  _ pay!” _

Aikawa doesn’t comment, his expression blank, but it’s clear he’s forcing himself to keep it that way, he sees it in the way his eyes dart around Risu’s figure and the exit. “Calm down.”

Oh, Risu was  _ about  _ to calm down, up until that request came out of Aikawa’s mouth. “Don’t you think you’re in the position to tell me that.” He leans towards him, pushing against the bottom of the pool.

“I never said I wouldn’t help you,” Aikawa snaps, “don’t you trust me?”

Risu blinks, staring at him in disbelief.  _ Trust? _ “N- no?!” He lunges and grabs his arm. “No, I fucking don’t?! That’s exactly the point I’ve been making  _ all day _ long!”

Aikawa’s eyes widen as they stop on Risu and then his whole shape seem to deflate as he looks away. “Oh. I guess that’s fair.”

There’s a part of Risu that  _ hates _ to see him like this, that desperately wants to  _ fix _ whatever they had in the first place, but he can’t allow himself to. Not anymore. He slowly lets go of Aikawa’s arm and sits next to him. “Tomorrow I’m going to En’s Mansion.”

Aikawa’s chin snaps up. “What?!”

“That bastard Dokuga knows who killed me, I’m sure about that. He knew about my magic too.” Risu tries not to look at Aikawa anymore. He’s a clue, he realizes, but he’s also a weakness. “I’m strong enough to beat him now, I’ll get the truth out of him no matter what.”

“And how are you planning to sneak in, uh? Their numbers are increasing quickly, are you planning to kill them all?” Aikawa asks with just a hint of sarcasm.

Risu grins and points at his own face. “I don’t need to, I look like one of them.” He has been thinking of having his tattoos erased but they might come in handy. “If you’re coming with, maybe we can get you some fake Cross-Eyes to mingle with the-” The pain is so sharp and immediate that Risu almost feels the air being sucked out of his lungs. Aikawa’s fingers are  _ digging  _ into his arm with sudden and unchecked force as he looks at him, his face twisted in pure terror.

_ That _ is a reaction Risu didn’t expect. There’s no killing intent in his actions, so Curse doesn’t really trigger, but the pain is so severe Risu feels like his arm is going to  _ break. _ Without thinking about it, he uses his other arm to grab the back of Aikawa’s head and push it underwater, where he keeps it, no matter how much he struggles, until his grip gets loose enough for Risu to shake it off.

He gets out of the pool, blood dripping from the wound,  _ he can see his own bone _ and that’s definitely not good. He’s suffered worse, but the suddenness and weirdness of Aikawa’s reaction is leaving him in a state of shock as he drags himself away from the water.

Aikawa reemerges from the water, coughing loudly several times before coming back to his senses and looking around in panic until his eyes settle on Risu and widen even more at the sight of his arm. He gapes, without a word, and looks at the bloodstained water around him like he’s seeing it for the first time. “...I’m sorry,” he mouths.

Risu wants to scream, shout at him, ask him  _ what the fuck _ just happened. He’s not sure he wants to hear the answer to that question at all.


	9. Chapter 9

Aikawa's hands are surprisingly delicate and move with uncanny precision as he holds the curved needle and tweezers, passing it under Risu's skin to suture the wound. The old man who worked at the springs gave them his own first aid kit when they told him Risu had tripped and fell on some rocks, but there was only a small bottle of D-class Healing Smoke and some medical supplies in it. The Smoke managed to fix Risu's muscles and tendons, ripped apart by Aikawa's grasp, but the wound itself needed treatment.

Before Risu could ask to call a hospital, though, Aikawa grabbed everything he needed from the first aid kit, prepared the sterile saline to wash the blood away, and started suturing the wound with a skill that had Risu completely blown away. "I didn't know...you could do that…" he finds himself saying as Aikawa finishes the job, getting ready to bandage the stitched up arm. "But then again, I don't really know anything about you, so…" he adds bitterly, mostly to himself.

"I worked as a nurse for a while," he says casually, but his voice is even and devoid of emotion. "At an hospital for victims of magic."

Risu's mouth opens in surprise. The mental image not fitting with what he knows of Aikawa at all. "How long?"

He thinks about it. "A few months. Less than a year."

Risu considers it. Does that mean he's been dead for at least  _ a few months? _ It would explain the state he found his apartment in. "Did  _ they  _ teach you to do this?" He lets Aikawa lift his forearm to start wrapping some gauze soaked in boiling water.

He snorts. "...as if Vaux could teach me shit." It's almost a murmur, he can't say if it is because he's very focused or else.

"Then where did you learn?"

Aikawa's movements freeze, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "I'm...not sure…" he shakes his head, and finishes wrapping Risu's forearm, before taking a look at the overall job and giving him a nod.

Risu flexes his fingers one by one. There's a stinging pain when he does but they move well, even though the smoke was low quality.  _ Why did Aikawa hurt me like that?  _ It was a reaction to something. To him asking to come with him to the Mansion? Why? Wasn't Aikawa determined to stay by Risu's side all the time for some weird reason? No, it was definitely something else.

The trigger was Risu mentioning he should get fake Cross-Eyes tattoos.  _ If he did he would look just like the man who killed me. _ Indeed, Risu put the idea out only half seriously, but how could have he imagined such a visceral reaction from Aikawa?  _ He can't stand the thought of having Cross-Eyes, not even as a disguise.  _ He quietly adds the little piece of information to the list.

It's like finding pieces of a puzzle that don't fit together or even seem to belong to the same picture.

He really needs to face the Cross-Eyes generals as soon as possible. "This isn't stopping me, you know?" He tells Aikawa as he finishes putting the medical instruments away. "I'm going tomorrow whether you come with me or not."

"I'm coming with you," he says and sits at the opposite corner of the room. "Just, not from the front door." He passes a hand over his face then stands up to walk towards the corner where he left his clothes, all neatly folded, and puts on his mask.

Risu smiles. It's a weird match: the black metal mask and the springs' white yukata that doesn't quite close up to the front of his chest. "You don't need that."

"I…" he starts to reply then stops abruptly, going back to sit in the corner. "I know a way in, from when I worked for Tanba."

_ A new puzzle piece suddenly connect two existing ones. _

_ "You're  _ the lizard-headed guy from Hole," Risu grins as he realizes that and sees Aikawa  _ flinch. _ It's enough to cement that connection in place. "That explains why the En family asked me- no, wait, it doesn't, they didn't even know my name…  _ From Hole, _ though? What were you doing in that place?" He mentioned working at a hospital for victims of magic, Risu never even heard of such a place but he can imagine there would be plenty in a place where people go to practice magic. He should've seen that connection sooner.

"Don't jump to conclusions," Aikawa scoffs. "Also, that focused look doesn't suit you at all."

Risu looks at him, a sharp remark at the tip of his tongue, when the old owner walks in. Suddenly, Aikawa's all jovial pleasantries again, as if he's flipped an internal switch. Risu forces himself to smile and thank the old man as well, so he leaves them as fast as possible.

When the old man walks out of the room once again, Aikawa sighs and heads to the corner with their clothes again. "Shall we go back? No point in paying for the night when you've got a spare futon.'

"If it hasn't been eaten by moths in these past  _ few months,"  _ he nods and stands up as well.

They leave quietly in the light of the setting sun.  



	10. Chapter 10

Risu can't sleep. His mind is swarming with theories and broken information, but it's also because of his wound: it hurts like a bitch even with an ice pack on it. The sky outside the windows has the deep blue color of the hours before dawn and Risu decides to give up on sleeping, so he stands up to go to the bathroom and drink some water when he realizes he can hear the movement of fabric against fabric and low moans and fumbles to turn on the light.

He's surprised to see Aikawa, in his futon, moving around like a fly stuck in a cobweb. His face muscles are contracted in an expression of pain, and his forehead is covered in cold sweat.

Risu looks at him for a few minutes, but not a word escapes his lips. He should've imagined a guy like that had nightmares.  _ What are you dreaming about, Aikawa?  _ He wonders to himself. He considers waking him up, but there's a small part of himself that likes to see him suffering like that.  _ Like he deserves. _

Risu sighs and turns off the light, before going to the bathroom as planned. When he's back, Aikawa's still sleeping, but he’s stopped thrashing around and is instead mumbling something under his breath, with the same expression. Risu tries to understand his words but it's mostly nonsense.

Finally, he sits back on his bed and tentatively starts to shake him gently with a foot. He's cautious,  _ just in case _ he snaps and attacks him again.

He doesn't. With a gasp, Aikawa's eyes snap open and dart around the room.

"So, even a guy like you has nightmares," Risu scoffs, before laying down on his bed, looking down on him.

Aikawa's still panting in the dark, Risu listens until his breathing returns to normal then closes his eyes again, guessing he can nap a little bit before it gets to bright to try.

"Scoot over," Aikawa's voice announces his attempt to climb on the bed next to Risu.

Risu makes a sound of protest but obliges, without thinking about it. The bed isn't large enough for two people to sleep comfortably, so Aikawa's body flops partially over Risu's, an arm over his chest as he buries his face in Risu’s shoulder. Risu sighs and lets him, the warmth of his body is pleasant anyway, his scent is musky and hearty but there’s a pungent undertone, almost like spilled oil. It's a nostalgic routine, something they’ve done before when things weren’t so messed up, and Risu is too tired to object.

“What did you dream about?”

Risu feels Aikawa’s hand slide up his chest and slowly clench on the fabric of his shirt. He murmurs something under his breath, shaking his head.

“...don’t leave me alone,” he seems to say, almost begging.  _ “Please.  _ That thing is still watching, it’s waiting for you to…” he seems to choke on his words.

Risu’s at a loss. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard Aikawa’s voice sound so  _ terrified. _

_ Or did he? _

_ He slams the box in his face, just to run in the opposite direction, teeth clenched, forehead covered in cold sweat. _

Risu groans in pain as Curse stirs inside of him, memories resurfacing like a vivid daydream. Most of the time it’s quiet now, but he feels like a swarm of termites is eating his flesh from the inside out.  _ I finally got what I wanted and it’s killing me, how ironic. _

He wonders what will happen if he doesn’t find the man who killed him. Is Curse going to devour his host from the inside out? He’s not certain, not much is known about curse magic anyway. It’s just one more reason to act quickly and uncover the truth.

Aikawa’s features slowly relax as he goes boneless against Risu, now slightly uncomfortable under his large frame, and yet he doesn’t move. He lets him fall asleep again, now without nightmares he hopes, and feels his own consciousness slipping away.

He won’t die if he naps for a few minutes, anyway.


	11. Chapter 11

Not that he ever particularly liked En.

Most of the world either hated or loved the guy, but everyone had to agree that since his Family rose to power, the world was a less shitty place to live in.

Yes, En’s influence increased the gap between powerful and weak sorcerers, but that had always been there and under En’s guidance the illegal Smoke businesses and the practice of enslaving people to drain and sell their Smoke was completely put to a halt. Practice on weak sorcerers also decreased since En built permanent Doors to divert the attention towards Hole.

Lots of good _that_ did.

Still, even considering all that, Aikawa found the way the Cross-Eyes _vandalized_ and destroyed the estate absolutely disgusting. “People who can’t create often find pleasure in destroying.”

“Where does _that_ come from?” Risu’s voice comes from behind him as they walk through the corridors, after sneaking into the mansion through the trash chute. They only met a couple of new Cross-Eyes that didn’t pay them any attention, also thanks to Risu’s own tattoos. “Didn’t peg you as the philosophical type.”

“Read that in a book somewhere,” he waves a hand at him. “So, do you have a plan now that we’re here or what?”

“Yeah, look,” Risu grins and approaches a couple of guys smoking in a corner. He smiles at them goofily, pretending to recognize one of them as someone he used to work with - or maybe that part is true? - and asks where he can find the generals, since they asked for him but he got lost in the large manor.

There’s something familiar in the way Risu behaves to make them drop their guard, the big smile and large gestures, and it takes Aikawa a couple of moments to realize he’s copying _him._ He grins proudly and with genuine amusement under the mask, when one of the men offers to take them to the generals.

“Hold on,” the other guy narrows his eyes suspiciously at Aikawa.

“Don’t worry, he’s with me!” Risu quickly intercedes.

“Take off yer mask,” the man isn’t convinced. “Show me the tats.”

“I’m new,” Aikawa improvises. “Haven’t got them yet.”

“That ain’t right, you shouldn’t have gotten in then,” a shiv slips out of his sleeve into his hand. “You two smell too fishy!”

Aikawa sees shadows dancing at the corner of his eyes and his eyes widen in alarm. He takes a couple steps back, raising his arms. “Chill, we’re unarmed. Besides, what could we do against the generals anyway?”

“People with magic don’t need weapons, are you the Family’s spies?” he growls, lunging towards Aikawa only to be stopped in his tracks by a spike and chain going right through his chest.

The first man, the one Risu pretended to be friends with, looks at Curse’s form and starts running away, screaming.

“Well, there goes our chance to sneak in unnoticed,” Aikawa glares at Risu only to meet the disturbing sight of a reptilian skull. “Uhu,” he can only bring himself to say.

The Cross-Eye that was stabbed is still twitching on the floor before Curse nods and directs another half a dozen spikes to impale his body. Once the mass of flesh stops moving, the transformation seems to melt off Risu’s body, but still leaves him with the extra pair of eyes and set of pointy teeth. “ **Let’s go,** ” he tells Aikawa, and his voice is slightly distorted.

Giving up on laying low, he unzips his hoodie and grabs a knife from its sheath. “That was a bit overkill,” he comments.

“ **I can’t help it, when killing intent is directed at me, it’s reflected against the attacker,** ” he growls. “ **Let’s hurry and find those assholes.** ”

“Yeah, but this place is enormous, if you cause a panic walking around _like that,”_ he gestures at him as a whole, “they’ll evacuate before you find them…”

“ **You’re right, this is going to take too long…** ” Risu stops by a broken window, looking outside for a few seconds before stepping on the ledge and leaning outside.

Aikawa feels the panic arrive like a discomfort in his chest that quickly sets in deeper. “No, wait-”

“ **Wait here, I’ll be back!** ” he shouts at him, the skull and shadowy robes enveloping his body one more time as he steps off and rises up in the air.

“Risu!” Aikawa calls, adrenaline surging so fast he almost vomits. His heart pumps and beats as if it’s trying to escape. _He’s alone._ “Fuck! _Fuck!”_ Looking around in a panic, he starts running through the unfamiliar corridors, deeper and deeper into the manor.

-

_“He was the one who gave our lives meaning, the one who showed trash like us who can’t use magic a way other than give up and dying…”_

Aikawa can’t take those words off his head. He doesn’t know what to feel about those idiots who would gladly kill for _that_ without knowing why, but he could feel their blind faith wavering in that short conversation

 _Why can’t you just_ talk _with it, then? Then you’d see he’s not a person at all!_

He feels the pressure starting to build up at the back of his head and knows he needs to find Risu _quickly._ It was a mistake to follow Nikaido in that small room, he lost precious time, and she’s annoyingly stubborn. _She’s always been._

He longs for simpler times, where none of this mattered. If he can be free maybe he can tell Nikaido the truth, go back to the Hungry Bug and eat her amazing gyoza. _God, he misses those gyoza._

_Time Magic._

The headache starts to develop into a pain radiating around his entire head. He can feel it _craving_ her, craving the death and stolen power for himself, and knows his own time is running out.

“The leaders are fighting a monster!” it’s the sentence they overhear through the corridors and Aikawa knows instantly what it’s about. He starts running with the crowd.

_Risu. If I get to Risu I can-_

Pain blinds him with a flash of colorful spots in front of his eyes, his knees going weak as he feels blood leaking through his nose, mouth, eyes and ears and through the mask. Iron and mud is all he can see, taste, smell.

Nikaido’s instantly by his side. _Idiot! Run! Run away from me!_ He wants to scream, but instead he grabs her arm. “Risu…” he tells her. “I need to go to Risu…”

She looks confused, but she helps him stand back up, his arm around her shoulders, and drags him where a crowd of Cross-Eyes has gathered. She pushes through the crowd but doesn’t manage to get too close.

Aikawa can feel the world slip from his grasp, blood clogging his throat, tissues swelling up. _Not now,_ _I’m so close. He’s so close._ He can see Risu’s Curse form hovering in front of the small group of Cross-Eyes generals and...Natsuki. Natsuki, emitting a thick, dense Smoke which envelops her in a cocoon that almost looks like jelly.

_I want her._

A cocoon that repels Risu’s very attacks. Aikawa’s eyes widen in fear: if _it_ gets that, Risu is no longer going to be-

The mask melts off his face, returning to be blood and sludge. Ignoring Nikaido’s concerned and confused look, he leaves her side and _charges_ through the crowd just as Natsuki’s hook flies towards Risu’s body, lying on the ground.

The pain of the hook sinking into his guts is nothing compared to the one in his head, but he still struggles to stay upright.

“ **A- Aikawa…** ” he hears Risu calling him, but doesn’t turn around, instead facing the horrified and confused generals.

_Right, they’re seeing my face right now._

“Risu…” he hisses, a wail of pain almost erupting from his mouth.

Natsuki’s hands are shaking and her cocoon melts away to reveal her face, painted with shock and horror, matching the rest of the Cross-Eyes’. “B- Boss?”

Aikawa ignores her. _He has to._ “Risu, please...t- take me away from here.” He glances at Risu as the latter stands back on his feet, blood dripping on the floor from his wounds. Four-fingered hands grasp him from under his arms and pull him back, dragging the hook and rope Natsuki has let go of as they fall backwards, the crowd opening behind them.

As they slowly move away and leave the crowd, Aikawa sees two figures running towards them and as his consciousness fades he recognizes Nikaido’s voice.


	12. Chapter 12

_You’re either an idiot or incredibly brave._

Aikawa’s eyes are closed and all he hears is the noise of water moving in rhythmic movements, almost like breathing.

 _To think that_ you _would have the courage to defy_ that thing.

He can’t move a finger, even though he feels his body, it doesn’t belong to _him._ He can’t move.

_You, that was never supposed to exist in the first place._

_Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don't care what I am, if I can protect them it's enough!_

_You, the Sorcerer who I wished to be._

_Loved._

_Happy._

_Carefree._

_All those lies._

_When did you start thinking they were_ really _you?_

The mask has fallen, the gifts that were given to him, revoked. What remains after all that he thought he was has been taken away?

_You are just a mask, you’re just a shell. You never existed._

He starts by wiggling his fingers and his heart rate starts increasing when he feels them respond. The movements are impeded by the thick sludge enveloping his body but he _fights_ and he keeps fighting until he grabs the edge of the coffin.

_I know what I am._

He hoists himself us with a superhuman effort and feels the bubbling boiling _anger_ trying to drag him back down. He doesn’t care.

_And I know what I have to do._

-

Natsuki sits on the large sofa, hugging her own legs and burying her face in her knees. A single question repeating _ad nauseam_ in her brain. _What happened?_

She faced the monster. _Risu._ The former Cross-Eye who wanted to hurt her friends. She was able to stand up to him, she could've killed him.

If the Boss hadn't stepped in.

Because _that was the Boss wasn't he?_ Natsuki did see his face when she healed him in his own apartment. And that was the face of the man she _stabbed._

 _Minus the Cross-Eyes._ The dark birthmarks had apparently disappeared from around his eyes.

Just like…

_Just like big bro's._

And now that she thought about it, didn't the two sound kind of familiar?

Everyone else in the room with her is equally upset and confused. They’re staying away from her, though, and she can’t blame them.

She hears the door opening and lifts her head up to see Dokuga and Tetsujo walking in. “We came as fast as we could!” Dokuga says, blood trickling down his face. “What happened?”

“Curse...Risu attacked us again,” Saji explains flatly. “Natsuki was able to stand up to him with magic, though.”

Natsuki sees Dokuga’s eyes widen in worry as they dart across the room until they set on her. She sees him instantly relax. “And…? What’s going on?”

“Uh…” Saji looks at the other two, probably hoping one of them would be able to explain better. Natsuki figures that’s not going to happen.

“The Boss jumped in,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

She sees Dokuga shift and tense. “...what?”

“He protected Risu and asked him to take him away…” Ton continues for her. “We followed them but they vanished after turning around the corner. They were both injured so I don’t know how-”

“Woah, wait, wait, hold on-” Tetsujo waves his hands. “The Boss did…? Why would he protect Risu?!”

The three generals who witnessed the scene look at each other in discomfort. “Dunno,” Saji admits in the end. “But he seemed injured, even before Natsuki…”

She buries her head in her arms, after a few seconds she hears someone step closer to her and she lifts her head up to see Dokuga putting a hand on her shoulder. “Tell me _every single_ detail.”

-

Asu walks up the steps, heading towards the guest bedroom. The house is big and quiet but since they’re using it as a hiding spot and their number has suddenly doubled it’s starting to feel a little crowded. _Maybe I should get rid of some of these plants._ He thinks, side-stepping to avoid a cactus arm just on the landing, before opening the bedroom door.

“You should rest a bit as well,” he tells the man sitting at the bedside.

Risu looks up to look at him, wary and distrustful like a stray cat. “I’m fine,” he grumbles, going back to look at the unconscious figure in the bed.

Aikawa took care of him while he was injured, it’s only normal that he repays the favor. He just wishes he had some Healing Smoke left: the Shaitan group who used to hoard it has seemingly vanished from the face of the Earth, so the only thing they could do was apply some old fashioned healing salves and suture the wounds, relying in his odd but reliable healing factor.

“Seriously, both me and Nikaido have seen him recover from worse, he’ll be fine,” he sighs, sitting down. Asu has no doubt Risu has spent the night watching over him. “Your Partner.”

Risu scoffs, hands joined in his lap. “...what a joke.”

Asu cocks his head to the side.

“That was just a verbal promise, but we never made it to Blue Night,” he grits his teeth. “He _killed_ me first.”

Asu considers those words. “Your magic is of the curse type, right? I met someone who had it once…” Risu’s head snaps up. “They’re a Devil now, but it’s very fascinating magic,” Asu continues, “it activates on killing intent, right? If Ka- Aikawa is the one who killed you, why hasn’t your Curse killed him yet?”

Risu frowns, looking away and licking his lips nervously. “That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. But from what Nikaido said, he’s started to feel sick the moment I’ve left his side. I’m not making that mistake again.”

Aikawa’s features appear much softer as he sleeps, he looks peaceful and relaxed. Unlike the first time Asu saw him like this, though, his chest keeps rising and falling with slow, deep breaths.

Asu stands up, figuring there’s nothing he can say to convince Risu to rest. “Do you want me to bring you something to do? A book? Some food?”

He shakes his head.

“Right.”

He leaves them be.

-

Risu waits for the weird boy to leave, listening to the noise of his steps descending the stairs. Maybe he should have asked him something after all, he’s not just bored now but tired too. Coffee would’ve been nice. He almost misses Aikawa’s light frown and groan, but he doesn’t and he’s immediately on guard once again, grabbing one of his stakes to hold at his throat a moment before his eyes open.

“...Risu?” he calls weakly and Risu wants nothing more than drop the weapon and hug him, but has to fight himself to stay still, making sure Aikawa is able to see the blade pressing against his throat. “Oh,” he says when he notices it.

“You’re…” Risu takes a few sharp breaths through his nose to calm himself down. “You’re the _Boss_ of the Cross-Eyes, aren’t you? That’s what they fucking _called_ you-”

“I’m not,” he says quickly, but doesn’t look at Risu or the blade, closing his eyes again instead. “I’m not, but…”

“If I were you I’d be _very quick_ to explain, Aikawa!” He presses the stake’s point against his trachea for emphasis. He doesn’t even flinch, smiling instead.

“Maybe that...maybe that would work,” he sighs. “Maybe I should just let you kill me and be done with this torture, maybe that’s the reason I’m here.”

He looks at Risu and he feels his walls crumble like a castle of sand. There’s not a hint of sarcasm or deception in those words, just complete unwavering _trust._ It’s a look that feels like home. The stake rolls off the bed and falls on the floor with a loud metallic clatter and Risu drops his face into his hands, breathing quickly to try not to lose his composure.

“What…” he breathes, letting his hand slide down. “What the _fuck_ are you, Aikawa?”

A bitter shade tinges his smile. “That’s the right question,” he just says, before trying to hoist himself up. There is a brief look of pain on his face, and Risu finds himself helping him sit up before he can stop himself.

“Where are we?” He looks around, frowning. “This looks too nice to be your apartment.”

Risu scoffs. _Changing the topic again._ "A couple of guys said they were your friends, one of them had teleportation magic and got us out of the manor. This is his house."

"Ah," he's surprised at first, then his expression darkens, "fuck. I shouldn't be here."

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that," Risu rolls his eyes and sits back on his chair. "But you're bedridden and and I'm not helping you run away until you've told me _everything."_

He grimaces, averting his eyes. "You won't like it…"

Risu gives him a bitter laugh. "Like I expected to, at this point!"

Aikawa closes his eyes and stays quiet for so long Risu is almost convinced he's not going to talk anymore, when he takes a deep breath and speaks. "I've…" his voice breaks a little, "lied to you."

Risu gives him the look of someone who is Just. So. Done. "Am I supposed to be surprised? We're already _way_ past that."

A smile briefly appears on his face.

"Is _Aikawa_ even your real name?"

His head snaps up, a brief look of panic and confusion as he looks around like a deer in the headlights. "I...don't…" he shakes his head, eyes closed shut. "I don't know. I feel like I _chose_ it but it's not…"

Risu knows his expression looks more concerned than accusatory, but presses on. "You don't know?"

"Risu…" he keeps his eyes closed, gripping the bedsheets tightly in his hands. "I'm...not...a person."

"......uh?!"

Aikawa's eyes open, but he looks in front of himself, not at Risu's. "My first memories are from about six years ago. I woke up in a house with food and money...and a mask…" he looks around, probably looking for said mask.

Nikaido said it _melted,_ whatever that means. "It's not here, go on."

"Look," he briefly looks at Risu before dropping his head again. "The one you're looking for, the Boss of the Cross-Eyes, is not a person either. It's this…" he makes a complex wide gesture with his hand before wrapping his fingers around his own throat, _"thing._ An amalgam of hate and greed and death. It craves the death and Devil tumors of powerful magic users, just that."

Risu lets the words sink in. "Then, the Cross-Eyes organization...is just a sham?"

Aikawa nods, still holding a hand around his neck. "A bunch of idiots following a monster."

He can feel the rage building up inside of him, he feels like a fool whose dreams were exploited, a pawn to something that just wanted destruction. "And how do _you_ fit in all this?"

"I'm…" Aikawa smiles and drops his hand. "I'm a shell."

Risu blinks, confused.

"After Mastema, that thing needed to lay low, to stay hidden. _I'm_ what it hid behind," his breathing gets short and shallow, cold sweat permeating his forehead. "I'm the mask, I'm the wall he put up. _A makeshift persona,_ a powerless Sorcerer who could mingle with the crowd and go where it couldn't go, hear the whispers it would've missed."

Risu's eyes widen and his heartbeat increases as the meaning of those words sinks in like cold air in his lungs.

"I was ok with it, there was nothing I could do anyway, but then…" he gives him a smile so broken it shatters his heart to pieces. "Then I met you and I really started to feel like I was _real,_ you know?" Risu sees tears starting to form in his eyes just before he shuts them close. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, even though you were my one and only…!"

Risu lunges forward, a knee on the mattress and throws his arms around Aikawa to hold him as tightly as he can. "You're wrong. You're an idiot and you're wrong!" He says between his teeth. "You're real, I know you are! And you _did_ protect me!" He pulls back, pointing at Aikawa's bandaged midsection. "You just took a blade to your guts for me, didn't you?"

"That's not-"

"Oh, shut up," Risu's hands are already on his shoulders so it doesn't take much for them to slide towards the back of his head and pull him into a kiss that tastes more salty than Risu would've wished for.

It's not their first, but it's the first that really happens for a reason and not merely for _fun._ And it feels warmer too, like it brings peace in his tumult of feelings for the first time in the past few days.

Aikawa's laughing when Risu pulls back, even though there are tears streaming down his face. "You're fucking ridiculous. Are you really ok with this?"

Risu frowns. "Oh, no, _fuck_ no! Not one bit!" He gives him a little shove. "But we'll figure out a way to fix it together, right?"

Aikawa's face lights up with something Risu didn't realize was missing from his eyes for a long time.

_Hope._

"Right."


	13. Epilogue

Risu finds out he doesn't hate Hole. The city's dismal and dirty, but it's also colourful and full of life. It's been a month since they've moved here to escape the Cross-Eyes' search for their Boss and Risu feels like their lives have reached some kind of normalcy.

_ One for Sorrow... _

Aikawa sits on the sidewalk as Risu buys and fills with boiling water two cups of instant ramen. His expression is blank as he stares at an indeterminate point in front of him.

He always does that when he thinks Risu's not looking at him, he noticed after a while. Risu decides not to dwell too much about it, that's part of the deal they made too.

"Plain Beef or Pork Curry?" He asks him when he's close enough.

He immediately smiles. "Beef!" He grabs the cup Risu hands him with both hands.

_ Two for joy… _

Risu sits beside him, breaking the chopsticks to start eating as well. "Nikaido's sure taking her sweet time," he eyes the entrance to the Central Department Store, where Nikaido and Asu went to sell the gyoza bentos.

"Yeah, hopefully she won't let her Devil instincts get to her head…" he mumbles, mouth full.

_ Three for a girl… _

"Asu is with her, so  _ hopefully  _ she won't murder anyone," Risu tries to joke, but he can't say if Aikawa's amused or not. "Maybe we should check on them?"

He doesn't answer until he's finished searching for any scrap of noodles or meat in the broth. "It's already been three weeks and we've made so little progress, I don't think it's the right time to have fun at the Department Store…" he throws back his head and closes his eyes.

_ Four for a boy… _

Risu nods. Thanks to Nikaido's magic they were able to witness the moment 'Kaiman' was created, but it gave them no hints on how to defeat the entity in Aikawa's body without harming  _ him.  _ For a few days now, they've lived peacefully, but the threat hanging over their heads like a Damocles sword is not gone.

They’re happy, but their happiness is walking on a tightrope.

_ Five for silver… _

A Door opens in an alley not far from there and Saji takes a peek outside, making sure there’s no one around. When he’s assessed the situation he gestures his companions to step forward.

Ton and Tetsujo are carrying the bigger bags: they don’t know how long they’ll need to search for and they’ll need provisions to survive in Hole.

When they realized there was no more Black Powder and the En Family resources wouldn’t last forever, many new Cross-Eyes members left the movement, the hype dying out and the world resuming its pace. The generals looked across the whole country but found no trace of Risu or their Boss, not until they caught wind of a group of people living in a fancy apartment out of the city.

Following this clue, they found the apartment, empty and silent, belonged to a Devil called Asu, but there was no sign of the group of people. It didn’t take long for them to figure out the only place they didn’t search was Hole, so they used the Doors at En’s Manor to cross over to that world.

_ Six for gold… _

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come?” Natsuki watches them leave with worry, on the other side of the open Door.

Ton smiles at her. “It’s not that,” he says, looking at Dokuga.

“It’s better for you to stay away from the Boss for the time being,” Dokuga nods. “Besides, unlike us you can actually find a proper job now.”

“But-” she tries to protest but she’s cut off by Tetsujo.

“We need someone waiting for us on the other side…” he gives her a reassuring smile and pat on her shoulder. “Can you do that?”

Natsuki pouts but nods.

_ Seven for a secret never to be told… _

Unseen and unheard, aided by Shou’s invisibility magic, Fujita slips out of the Door after the group just moments before Natsuki closes it.

The group leaves the alley and mingles with the crowd on the main road. First of all they’ll need a place to stay…

_ Eight for a wish. _

A man and a Devil step out of a similar Door on the rooftop of Central hospital.

“ **I don’t understand how you can like this place,** ” Haru grumbles as her husband stretches and takes a deep breath.

“Doesn’t it feel nostalgic?” he grins at her as he takes out a cigarette out of his pocket. “Besides, we just came here because you said this is where I’ll find Ai…”

“ **Yes, I need to stir things up a bit, or it’ll get boring soon…** ” she says enigmatically, spreading her wings and extending a hand to him. “ **Shall we?** ”

The humans below are too worried about the grand sales to look up and notice the figure flying above the rooftops, and so are Asu and Nikaido when they walk out of the Central Department Store with less boxes and more money than they had when they walked in.

_ Nine for a kiss… _

“Look at that, that is ridiculous!” Asu opens his hands as he sees Aikawa and Risu against the wall at the corner of the square, in their own world. “What are they? Horny teenagers?”

Nikaido grabs his coat and drags him back, laughing. “We should probably take another look around the store, seeing if we can buy something interesting with this money!”

Despite his protests, he lets her drag him back inside, away from the two that didn’t even notice their presence.

_ Ten for a bird… _

Aikawa steps back all of a sudden, looking around and leaving Risu disappointed for a moment. “What’s going on?”

“I thought I heard Kawajiri’s voice…” he frowns, looking towards the entrance of the Department Store.

“I don’t see them,” Risu glares at him.

“But they’re really taking their sweet time, shouldn’t we check if everything is alright?”

Risu sighs, accepting the mood has been broken and he might as well follow Aikawa. “Sure, let’s go.”

_...you must not miss... _

As they head inside, they cross paths with an old man in a wheelchair. Neither of them notices him stop and turn around his head with a surprised expression, just to click his tongue and shake his head when they both disappear from his sight in the crowd.

_ Eleven is worse… _

They spot Nikaido and Asu just inside and Aikawa starts waving and running towards them.

Risu rolls his eyes and pushes through the crowd to follow.

_ Twelve, a dastardly curse. _

He’s not taking his eyes off him ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wanted to write this chapter as a comic with no dialogue and only images and the poem, but I am REALLY slow at drawing and wanted to be done with this fic before the DUB release. That doesn't mean I won't do it in the future. Thank you for following me through this insane idea, even though you only left kudos. SPECIAL THANKS to Stacy who gave me feedback and helped me to get to the end of this story. Special thanks to @eightypeaa on twitter, whose art inspired this work.


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